


How I Learned to Love Myself

by Abi_Bibi



Series: Confidence [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Gender Identity, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Male Homosexuality, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 04:04:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7961752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abi_Bibi/pseuds/Abi_Bibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Monokuma threatens to share the 78th class of Hope's Peak academy's darkest secrets in three days, Chihiro Fujisaki is forced to make a decision. Wait for his world to come crashing down around him because of a robotic bear, or face his problems and tell everyone himself. Deciding who you trust the most in the school of death you were suddenly forced into is not easy however, but comfort can come from strange places, and in this case, comfort comes in the form of Kiyotaka Ishimaru.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, and I hate the fact that I can now say I've written a fanfiction. Disappoint your parents 101. That's besides the point however. I have been deep in the Danganronpa fandom for almost a year now, and have been trying to give back to the community as much as possible (mostly through art and my Twitter account.) After reading enough fanfiction for a lifetime over the last year, I thought I would try my hand at it. I actually DID proofread however so the grammar should be correct, however if you notice any mistakes I would love to get feedback on it. Constructive criticism is appreciated even more than praise, so if you think of something I should improve on for the next chapter, be sure to let me know. Tl;dr thank you so much for giving this fic a chance and any feedback is appreciated.

* * *

     I woke up with a headache and intense hunger pangs. I'm sure if they had been available to me at the time I would have downed three pain killers before getting out of bed. Unfortunately that wasn't an option, so I sucked it up and headed to the morning meeting. Breakfast in the dining hall wasn't much better, as everything that touched my tongue sent waves of nausea through my stomach. Taka being so energetic so early also didn't fare well for my condition. I suppose last night's events are to blame for the sickening feeling in my stomach.

     After Sayaka and Leon died, the overall atmosphere in the school seemed to immediately darken. Strong Friendships seemed to waver, and trust between us was at an all-time low, despite Hina and Sakura's efforts to cheer everyone up. I, myself felt frightened. The anxiety of who would be next to go was enough to keep me up at night. But gradually, as the days passed with no reason to kill, the mood seemed to lighten, if only just a bit. Despite everything that happened, their deaths were not the cause of this morning's unfortunate events. No, the blame lies solely in a small envelope now resting on my bedside table.

     When Monokuma said he would share our darkest secrets, most people were very shaken up, Touko and Mondo seemed especially terrified, but I don't think any of them were quite as scared as me. I knew exactly what was on that envelope before I even opened it. My 'darkest secret'. For many, it may not have been obvious, but for me it meant the end of the world.

     "Chihiro Fujisaki is a boy." Just five little words that would bring an end to my world. I knew that if three days were to go by without any killing, any small amount of respect I had built with my peers would be gone in an instant. But considering how weak I am in heart and mind, there's no way I could kill someone. And it's not like I could hope someone else would. Many choices for the near future were laid out before me, but the possibilities with all things considered, were few and far between. I could wait for someone to die, and for that horrible class trial that I hoped to never participate in again, or for our secrets to be revealed after three days. Or I could just tell everyone bit by bit starting with those I trust the most, and not let Monokuma get the best of me.

     I rolled these options around in my head for what seemed like hours before I finally came to a conclusion. I would rather my secret be revealed by my own hands, rather than let the him get the best of me. Even with my decision now made, picking who to tell first was a daunting choice.

* * *

 

     When I was little I was bullied for my size and feminine looks. All I wanted was to be a strong, healthy young boy like the rest of my classmates, but when middle school rolled around, instead of trying to get stronger, I hid behind a mask that came in the form of a skirt. What was it that possessed me to live as a woman all those years ago? Perhaps it's in my self-pitying nature to run away from my problems and from myself. Whatever it was that came over me, it was irreversible.

     In all honesty, choosing to present myself as female was almost too easy at first. My father was very a very kind, soft spoken man, and was very accepting of my decisions. When I went outside the house I had a whole new confidence. It didn't last long however though.

     As I grew a bit older and those around began growing and changing, I was left behind. I started noticing things about myself I didn't like, and soon just getting dressed in the morning was hell. The boys around me were getting taller and more handsome, and the girls were getting curves and softer features. The problem I realized in the middle of my first year of junior high, was that I had put myself in a box that I couldn't escape from. I didn't fit in with boys or girls, and my body wasn't changing at all, leaving me in the shadows of my peers.

     In leaving junior high, I thought I could leave behind the old me and become someone I could be proud of, but something inside me kept telling me I wasn't good enough. In such a prestigious school, how could such a tiny, cowardly boy like myself possibly earn the respect of those around me.

* * *

 

     The time came for my first day of school, and I stood in front of the gates of Hope's Peak Academy. I was wearing the high school uniform I always wanted, but as I stood there, my skirt fluttering in the soft breeze, I knew I had made a choice that I could never take back.


	2. Weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pretty short chapter. Although this first story will probably end up being a pretty short one overall. I planned to have this be chapters 2 and 3, but I decided to combine them, as it would have ended up being like 200 words otherwise. Anyway, just like the first chapter, constructive criticism and corrections are always appreciated, and thank you so much for reading

* * *

     Trust is a tough concept. By definition trust is being able to rely on the actions of another completely, but when put to the test it can be a very fragile thing. Deciding who you believe in the most at a school where anyone could betray you at any second is also very difficult. These were the thoughts that occupied my mind during that first day after the motive. I had now seen firsthand how easily relationships fall apart. The two who seemed to immediately click right in the beginning were Sayaka and Makoto, and look where that went as soon as the situation became real. But I suppose Hina and Sakura are a perfect example of a friendship that can't be broken. Nearly immediately they became friends and ever since they haven't been seen apart. I'm sure that they would accept me with open arms, but such strong, confident women remind me of the grave mistakes I made.

     I thought the best actions for me to take in coming out would be to talk to someone strong. Maybe if I trained, I could finally become the normal boy I always wanted to be. I suppose if I had to choose a good thing about our current situation, it would be that I finally had the motivation I needed to get stronger, but who could be my mentor? When I thought about the 'strongest man' here, of course my mind quickly wandered to Mondo Oowada, leader of the most notorious biker gang in Japan. But unfortunately, Mondo has violent tendencies, even knocking Makoto out on the first day. If he didn't take my confession well, I could end up biting the dust. And Taka may have been strong and kind, but he doesn't seem the type to keep a secret or condone a female uniform on a boy.

     I'd never been the type that was good at decision-making. Although it was already the middle of the day, all I had accomplished was a lengthy inner monologue about trust. And even after all that thinking I hadn't chosen who to tell. At that point I figured it would be better to just come out to the next person to present an opportunity, as stupid of an idea as that was. However, even if the idea was dumb, it held some small appeal to me at the time. Leaving it up to luck was a good chance to test my courage. With new confidence to tow, -no matter how insignificant it may have been- I opened the door to my room and headed to the kitchen to finally eat the breakfast I had passed on earlier.

* * *

 

     Trying to tell time in a building with no windows is something you can't understand unless you've experienced it yourself. Unfortunately, this was the situation myself and fourteen other students had found ourselves in and couldn't escape from. So as I sat alone in the dining hall, I was surprised to see on the clock above the entrance to the kitchen that it was already 7:00 pm. With this new information, I figured it would be a good idea to get to sleep early tonight. Tomorrow was going to be a big day, and the stress of the morning was enough to make me want to sleep for years.

     Waking up the morning of day two since the new motive, it took me a moment to remember the situation I was in. The realization immediately turned my resting face to a scowl, -that was uncommon for someone as shy as myself,- and the nervousness of yesterday slowly began to catch up with me. But I forced myself to try and ignore the feeling, and just focus on finding an opportunity to talk to someone. So I brushed my teeth, put on a clean uniform and headed off to the morning meeting.

     Breakfast that day was fairly standard. Taka yelled at anyone who was late, and the others discussed any new clues on how to escape. Of course this was all meaningless as usual other than making sure everyone was still alive. With nothing better to do with my day than wait for someone to approach me, I decided to work on my newest coding project, an AI named 'Alter Ego.'

     After hours of hiding in my room, the last thing I had expected was a knock on my door. I knew that if I opened that door, I would be forced to share my secret, and for several moments, I wavered. But I hardened my heart and turned the doorknob, swallowing any previous doubts I had as soon as I saw who was standing before me.

 


	3. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a total mess of a finale and overall fic, but thank you all so much for sticking with me to the last chapter of this short story. This was a surprisingly fun experience and good way to spend my last day of summer before sophomore year. I would love to know what you all thought about this project, and Even hate comments don't bother me. If you have any suggestions, grammar corrections or mean things to say, please let me know. Thanks again for reading!

* * *

     Of all people I would expect to look so melancholic, he was not one of them. In fact, seeing such an uncharacteristically sad smile made me question who I was even looking at. And for the first time in days I think I was more worried about someone other than myself.

     "Taka?" Even as his name left my lips, I still questioned if this was the same loud, obnoxious Kiyotaka I had gotten to know over this last week.

"Hello Chihiro! May I come inside?" He attempted to imitate his usual smile and volume as he said this, -failing terribly- before muttering a "can we talk?" in the smallest voice I had ever heard from him. Completely forgetting my own troubles I brought him inside and sat him on my bed.

     "I believe an explanation is in order after I so rudely interrupted your evening. I wanted to discuss the most recent motive." At the mention of the motive, I tensed up, I knew I wouldn't be able to work my way out of this one anymore. And it was clear that Taka had something important to say as well, however it seemed as though he intended to continue pretending everything was fine for the whole conversation. Luckily the walls were soundproof, or his normal speaking voice could be heard all the way down the hallway.

     "O-oh. Is that so?" I say trying to sounds as nonchalant as possible and failing miserably, but even if he noticed something was weird he didn't say anything. "What did you want to talk about?"

     "As you may recall, when we were first presented with that new information, I was the first to suggest we all share right then and there. I regret to inform you that I was actually relieved when you all rejected my idea. I believe I had been hoping I wouldn't have to share even when I said that. I thought surely things would be fine even if you all knew, but that spur of the moment confidence disappeared much faster than I would like to admit." He must have thought quite a bit about what he wanted to say, because he spoke quickly and confidently like he was trying to get something over with before wussing out. "Although I no longer had the guts to tell everyone at once, I figured I should tell someone my secret as to not let it consume me. I came here today to tell you my darkest secret, as I trust you more than anyone else here to keep it hidden at least until tomorrow." I was surprised to hear that considering we had only spoken directly a few times. And he was good friends with Mondo, so why not tell him first?

     "I'm not sure why you chose me to tell, but you were right in assuming that I won't reveal it to anyone." With that small amount of assurance, he was ready to speak.

"Thank you. I suppose there's no use in hiding it anymore. I am a homosexual." Hearing those words coming from him honestly didn't surprise me, although I suppose nothing along those lines would considering my situation. I spoke next mostly without thinking, because if I had I probably would have found a better way to go about it.

     "So am I."

     "Really?" He asked with more surprise than relief.

     "Yeah. But I'm much worse than you because... I'm not even a girl."

* * *

     What was I even thinking when I said that? Taka came for an honest talk about himself, but I stole the spotlight with my own useless drama. As good as it felt to get that off my chest, I couldn't even imagine how Taka felt after I didn't even really respond to him or offer any comfort. When I looked up at him, tears already forming in my eyes, the face I saw didn't help ease my guilt either. His expression was filled to the brim with surprise and disappointment, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open slightly. Tears began spilling over my cheeks and I silently cursed myself for being so weak. But as I was knee-deep in my own self-loathing, I felt big arms being wrapped around me, pulling me closer. And then he spoke.

     "I am so ashamed of myself! I can't believe I came over to complain about my stupid secrets to one of my precious classmates! Please forgive me Chihiro for not being more perceptive and sensitive! Surely there is no way for me to be forgiven of my sins!" As he wailed and apologized over and over again I found that my own tears wouldn't stop even as I began to giggle.

     "Stop crying Taka. It's okay." I stated even though I was crying myself at that point. "Man, we're a mess. I can't believe we couldn't have even one conversation without completely losing it." Even as I cried I couldn't help but laugh out loud, and when I did I couldn't stop. I laughed and laughed and Taka joined in.

     "I have to agree." I heard through our laughter. He finally let go of me as the giggles died down, and after a few moments of silence, he spoke again. "I suppose even though this isn't quite how I imagined this night going, I'm glad I came. And I would like you to know that it does not make a difference to me whether you are male or female, although I suppose it's a bit to late for that now." He said with another small giggle.

"You know, I was terrified to tell anyone about myself, and it took me all of yesterday and today just to muster up the courage to say anything. But I guess I was worrying for nothing. And I probably don't need to say this, but it doesn't make a difference to me that you're gay." At this he began to sob uncontrollably again into his hands. After a bit of time spent calming him down, Taka and I parted ways, and I immediately collapsed back onto my bed in exhaustion. As I stared at the ceiling, thinking of what tomorrow could hold, I found myself no longer scared. This was my final thought as I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.


End file.
